Permission to BE in BEING

Anyone else feel tied up and tight with pressure from self and others? Well this is your sign to take steps of freedom to just BE… Sometimes I feel caught in the past, or worried about the future, or like I’m chasing something that I don’t desire or want anymore, and I forget that I am allowed to BE in process as I do life. And I know others may feel the same. This is my note to you to embrace the freedom to BE.


Today, my friend, I release you.

I release you to relax and take a deep breath.

I release you to enjoy the short, good moments that you have on this earth.

I release you to do what you LOVE.

I release you to not just work for the sake of work, money, prestige, or something else that is an unstable foundation, but to work toward something you love because of passion and JOY. You were created with a personality and preferences on how to spend time and what hobbies and work you would pursue.

You, dear reader, have been put on this earth for a purpose… multiple purposes I’m sure, as seasons come and go and you move down your path and walk of life.

I release you to not stay caught up in what you DIDN’T do and HAVEN’T yet done, but in where you are in this moment of life; enjoy it.

I release you to have faith that you are where you are in life because you are supposed to be here right now.

I release you to not need to force yourself to hold onto past ideas that you claimed over yourself, or that others may have spoken over your life.

I release you to allow yourself to change.

You, dear reader, are a “being” a human being in BEING and you must allow yourself to BE. You must allow yourself to change. You are in process from what was to what is to what will be and change through the process is inevitable.

I release you to stop striving to be perfect.

I release you to go for a walk and take a break.

I release you to cry, even.

I release you to give yourself permission to be and breathe and relax into today, your purpose, what you love, and the inevitable change that’s coming as you just BE….

Today, dear reader, my friend, I release.

A Close Encounter and 3 Little Reminders

“Watch your step, watch your step,” the voice said to me as I walked through the woods on an evening hike. And then I heard it. The rattling caught my attention first before seeing the rattlesnake’s head, inches from my ankle, posed to strike.

Though many would think this just happens in nature and would write off the experience, I can’t help but dig a little deeper with why almost stepping on a rattlesnake applies to my life in a bigger way.

This is a short post with three lessons learned in the one day of processing. Here goes!

1. The Voice

Some might call the voice I heard… something only a crazy person would hear; Some might call it an inner guide; some might call it a conscience (though typically that term is used for moral choices rather than something that occurs outside of your control); I call it the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit guides me daily—beyond my knowing how or why. Sometimes I hear Him clearly, other times not at all.

We are all guided by different voices.

Maybe we hear the lingering voices of our parents when they taught us right from wrong when we were children. The voices of our peers and friends with influence in our lives when we seek advice, stand out strong sometimes. Then there are the voices on ads with a constant drip of “buy this now.”

Voices are all around us, communicating, telling, sharing, influencing. And we need to be careful which voices we pay attention to and why.

I’m grateful for the quiet voice saying to me, “Watch your step,” as I hiked quickly through the woods. I would surely have stepped on the rattler’s tail. That and had I not heard the rattling tail itself. What are you listening for? Who are you listening to? Warnings of protection are there for us to learn and glean from if we’re willing to stop and listen.

2. Independence doesn’t mean I shouldn’t communicate plans

The second lesson of my encounter with the rattle snake is that I was 100% alone in the woods and had not communicated with anyone that I was hiking, nor where I was going. I’m used to the paths and trails around my community in the hills and mountains. The area is small and most people I bump into are healthy, kind hikers and bikers. I typically have SOME cell phone service; I never venture too far on my own, and genuinely feel comfortable and safe when I’m alone in the woods.

But no one knew I was there. And what if something HAD happened?

I take for granted my independent nature and safe surroundings. Until it’s not safe anymore.

I wonder if I had communicated other things through the years, would I have strayed so far down paths I didn’t belong? Would I have been more aware of danger with people and situations?

Maybe I’m the only one who just trusts that things will “turn out alright” as I act independently and go through my days… even if I am, I’m reminded once more to communicate with those around me better than I do. I can be independent with my time and plans, and still be safe with communicating said plans with those around me.

3. Don’t give into fear but, be wise and knowledgeable

This is HUGE. It applies to the rattlesnake and to me. The rattle was the snake’s warning. Thank GOD I heard and listened. But even after freaking out, (I’ll never forget seeing his head poised to strike just as I realized he was under my feet), I went back to the snake for a video and then continued on with my hike. I was jittery the rest of the hike, but didn’t just turn around and give up.

Yes, there are dangers in the world, unexpected ones that catch us by surprise even if we have the BEST communication and plans in place, but we are not to give up.

I’ve seen SO many people give into fear this last year and a half with covid. I’ve seen SO many people dismiss the dangers of covid like it’s nothing. Neither living in fear, nor acting unwise will get anyone very far in life.

We must continue on the path and journey set before us, as best as possible, despite the obstacles. And we must do so with wisdom and knowledge.

The rattlesnake reminded me I don’t know the best protocol with snakebites in the woods at all, let alone poisonous, perhaps deadly ones. So, I need to read up and be more prepared next time. I need to gain knowledge and insight into the woods that I think I know so well. BUT, I didn’t give up on my hike then, and I’m not going to just stop living my life because of potential dangers. I love hiking too much!

Wisdom, while moving forward with courage is where I choose live. And is the best reminder and takeaway with… that darned rattlesnake.

And honestly? I’m glad I bumped into it. I was able to warn others on the path to use caution. I was nervous for one woman with her dog because I wasn’t sure how the dog would react IF it encountered a snake beyond the point where I did.

Through my somewhat scary experience, I could alert and help others. Just like others have done for me in the past with other things in life.

I’m sure there are MANY other takeaways with the rattlesnake… but for now: Listening to the loving, guiding voices in our lives; Communicating with those around you/ not being so independent; and Not giving into fear while using wisdom and knowledge. These are my biggest takeaways to that VERY close encounter.

Have you ever had a close encounter with danger that taught you a lesson? What was it? What did you learn?

Normalizing Failure

Photo Cred: Amy Humphries

The number of times in my life that I have done anything at all, perfectly is approximately zero. I’ve done some things well, other things even better, but nothing in life have I executed or carried out perfectly. As a matter of fact, some things I’ve attempted in life… many things… I’ve absolutely failed in. I’ve failed to show up for friends and family when they’ve needed me. Failed in carrying out duties at work. Failed in my workouts and fitness life at times which I take pretty seriously as a lifestyle and habit.

And yet through my failures I’ve learned. Overcome. Transitioned. And grown. Through my failures I’ve seen things from a new perspective I didn’t know mattered. Through my failures I’ve been able to stand up and try again.

John Maxwell, a bestselling author and expert on leadership says, “A man must be big enough to admit his mistakes, smart enough to profit from them, and strong enough to correct them.”

Applying this concept to my life, I’d like to introduce the idea of failure being quite normal even freeing. Because in failure we get the chance and opportunity to try again and overcome.

An example of this could be a child learning how to read or trying a sport for the first time. It would be insane to expect that child to perform a new task perfectly. The beauty of being a child is they are given the right (for the most part) to make mistakes in things, learn consequences if there are any, and get better.

I remember my first swim meet ever, I was 7 years old, maybe 8, and was supposed to swim a 25-yard breaststroke. I got to the end of the lane and popped my head up, thrilled to see I had won. For all of 3 seconds when the person running the timer in my lane said I was disqualified. I actually swam freestyle, not breaststroke. Oops! I learned the lesson and never made the mistake again I don’t think through all my years on a swim team. I had failed. But no one held it against me.

So why would we hold failure against ourselves as adults? Why do we take such considerable strides to HIDE failure on social media and with friends and family? I’m all about putting our best foot forward in life, but what if that is actually crippling us at the end of the day rather than living authentically with our stories of not being where we want to be yet that could be encouraging and helpful to so many people.

I submit to you now that failure is more normal than carrying out any task in life perfectly.

I’d like to see failure normalized, not hidden behind pretty social media posts and trying to hide our faults and failures to the enormous extent that we do.

Another example comes from my own life with working out and Triathlons. I used to compete in regularly 1 to 2 times a year in Triathlons around the northeast of the US in new cities and towns each race. My first year I had a HORRIBLE race time. I put so much effort into training and making a goal time for the race, yet I completely blew it the day of the race. I briefly thought to myself “I’m not made to do Tris.” I almost gave up this hobby and lifestyle because of a bad race. It took about two weeks until I missed the swimming, biking, and running and chose instead to say, “Well, it seems I have a lot to learn and become better in with regards to workouts and training. I can do better next time.”

I think giving into the first statement, “I’m just not made to do this” isn’t going to help me win and become better at the next thing I choose to focus my time and energy on. It isn’t going to help me succeed. It isn’t going to help me really at all. Though I failed in reaching all of my goals that first race, I chose instead to see my end time as a reason to adjust, get educated on workouts, include other people in my training by talking to a couple of other athletes who had done way more racing than I ever have.

I chose to realize that “failure” was just a matter of personal definition, not an absolute that determined an end to something that I really enjoyed— in this case swimming, biking, and running—despite my slow pace and poor choices in the race that really set me back.

Normalizing failure for any and all can be a way to rethink failure in general. If you personally “did bad” in something— could be anything from baking a cake that turned out horribly that you meant to give to someone for a special occasion, to showing disruptive and “bad” behavior at an event that in retrospect you realize you shouldn’t have acted that way—and you choose instead to learn grow and change based off of that perceived failure, have you really failed at all?

I don’t know a single person on planet earth that has done ANYTHING perfectly in life. But everyone I know has messed up in big or small ways around me my whole life, including myself, and the world still moves on.

Instead of getting caught up with our failures, beating ourselves up, ruminating on went wrong, what if instead we chose to focus on the positive that might be a result of that failure? What if that time we didn’t show up as we should for someone we learn the art of apologizing and making amends? What if we recognize that no matter how old we are, we are fallible human beings and failing is a part of life. Failing is actually… normal… and can bring about positive change including overcoming obstacles and achieving greatness in some area.

This new year, let’s embrace our “failures” as we might call them and realize that as Maxwell said, “The only guarantee for failure is if we stop trying.”

As long as you admit the mistake, change the course, make a new decision next time you’re faced with a problem or dilemma that you “failed in” then truly failure isn’t the end of the story.

I’m sure many people are making new year’s resolutions and vowing changes for 2021. Let’s not see 2020 as a failure, but a year of learning and growth. Let’s choose to walk into 2021 refreshed for amazing opportunities that if we keep going, don’t give up, and try again in we can have the greatest personal success imaginable, no matter what our goals are be them relational, financial, spiritual, physical, or any area of life that you may be holding onto failure in.

There is always hope. There is always room for growth and change. There is always a new time to keep the faith and change the course for better next time. At the end of the day, without failure we will never fully understand the deep feelings that success brings.

{Travel Tuesday} Finding Awe

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ⓉⓇⒶⓋⒺⓁ 𝒯 𝓊 ℯ 𝓈 𝒹 𝒶 𝓎 : I was on a trip to Zambia, Africa with a group of students from my high school. We had heard about the Black Rhino at the preserve we were about to safari to, and I couldn’t wait to see it! He was exotic, and one of only a few left in the world as they were nearly extinct at the time.

Our one-day adventure tour—before starting our mission work with kids and youth for the rest of the 10 days in Zambia—was here and I was ready. Starting in the cool early morning, we jumped into jeeps that bounced through the dirt trails and grassland, on the lookout for giraffes, zebras, and the alleged BLACK RHINO.

Our caravan rounded a corner, and at this point we hopped out of the jeeps to go on foot to where our guide thought he could be. He was blocked from my view when our guide announced he was there. Then, when I did glimpse his grey body lazily munching on the grass, I was surprised at how un-intimidating he looked.

“THAT is it?!” I thought to myself a little disappointed. “He’s not even black! He looks like a normal rhino!”

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The only time I had ever seen a rhino in real life before this moment was at the San Diego Zoo. How spoiled could my reaction be, as if the fact I was standing yards from the beast wasn’t impressive?!

“Who wants a picture with him?” Our guide asked.

One by one, we got photos with the rhino behind us. As the photo shoot was going on, our guide talked about the power of rhinos, their speed and strength, and how the one way to possible escape a rhino charging you is to run in circles and curves since their muscles prohibit them from turning easily.

It was my turn for a pic, and I had absorbed everything our Zambian guide had said. Now, grazing the grass 80 ft from me, it was hard to turn my back to the beast, knowing his body of muscle could easily charge, top speed reaching 35 mph. I can run, what 2? On a good day? HA!

My trip to Zambia reminded me of how small I am in every possible way. Even the termite mounds we saw were ginormous… the smallest thing, a termite, could cause so much damage if weren’t out in the open plains.

Termite Mound

Victoria Falls, misty and loud, the spray in the sky could be seen for miles down the river.

I even felt small doing my part in helping teach classes to students during our days of mission work, and playing with swarms of kids from the compounds who just wanted to be seen, touched, and hugged for a minute.

Me with Kids

I had turned 17 years old two days before the trip began, and it was a great way to start another lap around the sun. Zambia gave me such new perspective on life. From the way people eat, to the land full of animals I had only seen in books and movies.

The craziest, wildest things in nature, like rhinos and waterfalls flowing at speeds of nearly 39,000 cubic feet per second, there for us to behold and appreciate.

The Black Rhino will forever be a lesson to the vastness of the world. That I’m not that powerful against… anything wild in nature. And though it took a minute to sink in, that seeing the Black Rhino in person WAS a big deal. I walked away in awe and inspired and hope to continue the lesson to today… Awe keeps me humble and reminds me of the great things in this world outside of my own bubble.

6 Things I Miss About Intern Life

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Part time jobs, moving around the country, traveling, not having a job for almost a year, and various internships since graduating college have marked my climb to finally land me in the stepping stone, paid position that I recently acquired in TV Production.

For someone who craves stability and knowing what’s next, the process of finding myself in the job search was not an easy one, but it has definitely enhanced my perspective of what it means to discover a field I enjoy, struggle after college to get there with a few twists and turns, and not give up in the process! Life is an adventure with unexpected experiences after all.

I achieved my current job a few months after interning at a local production company, where I work on 3 different sports shows for Penn State University. It is a BLESSING and stepping stone. On this journey of life, I am more than happy to be working in the creative field of quick turnover and slow waiting of media production- especially as I started at this particular company just a few months ago, as an intern, 2 years out of college.

I have big dreams in media production, but the reality is I’m a growing novice. Part of that growth comes from the change in status of Intern to Production Assistant- and there are some takeaways that the various internships I’ve had in and out of college that I miss, as well as wanting to laugh at!

1. Using the phrase: “I’m just an intern.”

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Sure, some days it sucks being the lowest on the totem pole in a work environment, but you can get away with A LOT by using the phrase “I’m just an intern.”

When something goes wrong with a computer system, or your team forgets important equipment off site, you get to look at your supervisor and say, “Gee, I don’t really know about that, I’m just an intern.” If other people come to the office who need directions, or to find someone, you can smile politely and quickly say, “I don’t know where that room is or who they are, I’m just an intern.” When things go wrong in the office, a quick diversion for damage control is, “Sorry! I’m just an intern.”

2. Less Responsibility

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As soon as you are on payroll, there is *that* much more responsibility to know where things are, show up on time, and complete work quickly. I’m not saying you can show up late everyday during an internship and get brownie points. It is important to take the internship seriously, maybe even more so than a job, if you want to be noticed as having integrity.

You never know what an internship might lead to! The company I am with now asked me to apply for a position with them a little over a month after being on time, available, and on top of it every day I showed up. But if anything were to happen at work that I didn’t understand or know how to handle, as an intern, I would look to the people above me for leadership.

You’re not expected to know it all and get it right the first time, as an intern. Less responsibility for happenings at the office means less weight on your own shoulders.

3. You Can’t Get Fired (at least it’s pretty hard to get fired, maybe if you do something realllly awful)

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As an intern you can’t get fired. A lot of places offer internships to students for school credit, or to people with limited experience as an opportunity to get their foot in the door, in a particular field, for free. And if you are working for free, it would take a lot of no-shows and crappy work for a supervisor to let you go. At many places, the interns do the leg work and keep the office running smoothly. Interns oftentimes save companies money. So, even if you are late, need to schedule change, or have a bad week and mess everything up earning the label “Intern of the Month” you still (probably) won’t get fired.

4. Freedom

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We live in a generation where commitment is lax and even looked down upon, but when you are just entering the work force, it can be comforting to know you are not locked into a particular position, or with a certain company. During an internship, you have freedom to decide if you like the industry or not. And if you like the industry, but can’t stand your supervisor, you get to walk away with a successful internship experience 3-6 months later. This will amp up your resume, while giving you the freedom to walk away and not be locked in at the end of your scheduled internship.

5. Solidarity With Other Interns

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There is solidarity in numbers, especially if you are treated as a lowly intern. I’ve been lucky to have supervisors who have taken me seriously as an intern and worker, but that doesn’t mean the work was always fun. Oftentimes intern work can seem tedious, boring, or like “busy work.” But supervisors give interns work so that they can focus on more important things.

Working at a computer that shuts down, in a dark corner, researching such and such for three days- while everyone else in the office is running around, talking, laughing, and drinking coffee- can really carry some negative weight. Except that on those days, I would look up and see other interns in the same position and realize I’m not alone. Then, I’d continue chugging away at whatever tedious project I didn’t understand was so important to my supervisor in the moment, and smile.

One of my favorite things about being an intern at one particular place I worked was finding community with other interns. We’d go out for happy hour at cheap bars after work, laughing at the day and dreaming about the future… It was awesome to connect with others who were striving to find a place, just like me, at a big office doing seemingly pointless or boring tasks. That community and solidarity was important.

6. A Unique Experience

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Hopefully, as with anything in life, you will have fun stories and get to do creative things as an intern. Big or small, anything you can stick to for months without getting paid shows character. Especially when you know an internship is one step of learning and growing, to get to your bigger goals and dreams. Internships offered me hope and expectation for the future.

At each internship, I saw myself moving in different directions. Whether it was emailing connections in other countries in Spanish, helping design shoes, programming shows for TV stations, sitting at a computer for hours logging 100’s of video clips, running through the tunnel with the Penn State football team at a home game, coming up with ideas and emailing them to my supervisor in the middle of the night, running out of money, laughing about it all over cheap wine with other interns, and best of all my supervisor approaching me to apply for a job with them because they wanted me; I wouldn’t trade my internship ups and downs for anything.

I recommend everyone on the job hunt to intern somewhere, especially if you’re not 100% where to go next. It’s humbling, but you just never know what doors might open!